


Someone's Got A Crush

by IStorySometimes



Category: Borderlands, Tales from the Borderlands - Fandom
Genre: Gen, Hats, Mild Language, Talking, if only they were friends, palm trees
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-23
Updated: 2015-12-23
Packaged: 2018-05-08 15:49:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 847
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5503598
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IStorySometimes/pseuds/IStorySometimes
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>HJ is bored. Rhys is annoyed. Something about hats and palm trees. Set between episode 1 and 2.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Someone's Got A Crush

**Author's Note:**

> Warning for a few curse words.

~ Somewhere on Pandora~  
“So what’s the plan here, kiddo?”  
Rhys’ eyes snapped open. Damn I wish he would stop doing that! I can’t even rest my eyes for 5 minutes for this motherfu-  
“Don’t even finish that thought, Rhysie”  
Rhys stares at Holo-Jack.  
“Fine. What plan are you talking about? “  
“The plan on getting you laid.”  
Rhys laughs sarcastically.  
“You have got to be kidding me. There is no “plan”! That is the last thing on my mind right now Jack! As you may not have noticed, I’m trying not to die on this bandit-infested planet!”  
Jack waves him off.  
“You and everybody else on this shit hole! It does not stop them from banging!”  
“Why do you care, Jack?”  
Jack shrugs his pixilated shoulders.  
“I don’t care. I just need to do something! Seriously, I’m so fucking bored! Why shouldn’t I challenge myself on trying to get you some.”  
Rhys closed his eyes. Phew for a moment there I thought he was trying in his weird way being nice.  
“I am being nice! Anyway, first things first let’s check the database aka your head to see what I’m working with. Beep boop Beep boop. What the…”  
“This is not happening! Jack, please! Move on!”  
“OKAY, GEEZ! Operation: Pandorian Strange is no longer a thing.”  
Rhys throws his arms up.  
“You even came up with a name- you know what never mind.”  
“How about this, who would you choose to do the naked tango with?”  
Rhys sighs. Still inappropriate and kinda weird but I’ll bite.  
“I guess if I had a choice to DATE someone who just so happens to WANT to have sex with me then I choose….Sasha.”  
Jack quirks an eyebrow.  
“Who is that?”  
Rhys scoffs at him.  
“You know Sasha. She is the one who likes guns. I mean she really likes them. She knows the names of them and everything.”  
“Oh, the one with the hair. She’s the sister of the one who wears that sweet hat, right?”  
Rhys nods.  
“And what’s her name?”  
“Fiona”  
“Fiona, eh? Man, if I still had my body…”  
Rhys snickers.  
“What’s funny?”  
“Like you would have a chance in hell with her. She loathes anything Hyperion especially you, Jack.”  
Jack crosses his arms.  
“Aren’t YOU from Hyperion? She seems to like you just fine.”  
Rhys makes a face.  
“Oh come on! They tried to kick Vaughn and me out of the caravan not too long ago. We have a common goal. It is not an affinity it is a tolerance.”  
Rhys pauses.  
“Wait a minute. Are you jealous, Jack?”  
Jack makes a noise.  
“Okay 2 things. One, I am NOT jealous of you. You saying that gives me the urge to strangle your skinny ass here and now. Two, shouldn’t you be jealous of Nose Ring around your girl?”  
“Alright alright.You are not jealous. You mean August? He was a con. So, what is there to be jealous of?”  
Jack smirks.  
“Oh Rhys! Dismissing the competition! Did I hear a little base in your voice?”  
Rhys rolls his eyes.  
“Ha ha funny. Answer me this Jack. Are you interested in Fiona?”  
Jack shrugs.  
“Sure why not. She has great taste in hats. Her hat really brings her whole outfit together. She looks good in a hat.”  
“Okay, you just said hat like 3 times. I think you have a hat fetish.”  
Jack thinks about it.  
“Well there was Nisha. She was sexy and badass as fuck…in a hat. Then there was Moxxi. She was minx and a cheat….in a hat. Huh, well look at that. I think you are on to something kiddo.”  
Rhys yawns and stretches his legs.  
“Glad to help, I guess?”  
Jack chuckles.  
“I have a thing for women in hats. Where the hell did that come from?”  
Rhys shrugs.  
“Have you ever touched her hat?”  
“Nope.”  
Jack sighs in relief.  
“Oh good. Anyway, I’m going to head in if you catch my drift.”  
Rhys puts a hand over his face.  
“You did not just say that.”  
Jack grins.  
“Oh come on, Rhysie! It totally works! Good luck with getting with Palm Tree- I mean Sasha!”  
“Palm tree? Why would you- oh because of her hair! Aaaaand you’re gone. Great, now I’m actually talking to myself by myself!”

~A good distance from Rhys~  
Fiona, Sasha, Vaughn, and Loaderbot stare at Rhys. Fiona shakes her head.  
“Does he do this a lot?”  
Vaughn shrugs.  
“Not when I’m around.”  
Sasha crosses her arms.  
“Typical Hyperion. So out of touch that their worker bees malfunction at the first sign of trouble!”  
Vaughn scoffs.  
“First sign? I would hate to see a bad day.”  
Loaderbot fake-scans Rhys.  
“I think this is what is called a nervous breakdown.”  
Vaughn frowns.  
“I thought I would go crazy first from being on this planet.”  
Fiona smirks.  
“Give it time. You will probably be a psycho before the week is through.”  
Vaughn puts his hand over his face.  
“Don’t say that! It might actually happen!”  
Sasha makes a face.  
“Palm tree? Who is he calling a Palm tree?!”

**Author's Note:**

> Sooo what ya think?


End file.
